fuckfuckfuckfuck

im not sleeping. I choose not to. She doesnt know. She doesnt have a clue how much she affects me. I dont know why I let myself feel this way sometimes... Let myself get this low. Sometimes I wish it never was like this, sometimes I wish I never was. Idk anymore. I really dont know. I dont know if she feels the same about me. I think she does... but nothing in this world is certain. I hate this. I hate it when things become like this. It would probably be better, but I can only hope. For all I know, this could be the end... This could be her last straw... I know I'm a horrible boyfriend. You don't have to tell me. You don't have to make me feel worst that I already do. I don't have much time per day to waste as I freely would like. But Every day, no matter what the hour, I try to significantly manage to reserve a chunk of time dedicated to talking to you, or spending it with you. I loose sleep sometimes because of that. Then theres the emotional stress you give me, over things so small they could be resolved without even trying... but no one tries... I dont even know where to begin trying... Everything is so mixed up and jumbled. theres horrible communication. You're just like your mom sometimes... I guess It's a genetic thing that runs in your family... I dont know why... why do I have to control myself, While you go crazy, while you go around hitting everything in sight. I take those punches, in hopes it would get better in the long run. sometimes I dont even mind; I know how you can be. I accept that. But have you no consideration for others?! U preach That I dont care about you, that my love for you is bullshit. but can you really say that with no legit means to back your statements? there. Mission accomplished. you made me feel guilty. But now what. are you satisfied? no, im not missing the point, because there was never a point to begin with.

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I just dont want things to be like this anymore. I dont want to feel like this. I love you. no matter how crazy you are /: