Post 14: Oh life, where art thou

Today is September 25, 2008, 54 days unemployed since my return from Toronto. Fucking great, right? Nothing great about it. On one end I'm relaxing and what not, but I don't really view that as such a good thing. Now, whenever I am relaxed or resting, I feel useless. I feel that instead of laying around, I should be doing something. And I'm not talking about free, cheap, "beaner", labor. I'm talking about labor you get paid for. And not shit minimum wage. At least a dollar or two above. Seriously fucking annoying.

That's pretty much how I've been feeling lately. Really not much to it. I really just wish a job would just fucking fall in my lap sometime soon. I can't stand being at home any longer and having to watch her continuously wait and loose hope for both of us. I honestly can't stand it; It breaks me just watching what he have slowly begin to deteriorate before my very eyes.

She's supposed to come see me this December but that would only happen if I make it happen. Everything, is reliant upon me. If you've ever heard of the expression, "Carrying the world on your shoulders.." is EXACTLY how it feels like at the moment. The world, my world, is on my very shoulder. I'm so determined though, I really am. I can't let this fall through. I just can't.

Final point: I need a job ASAP.

Sometimes the world can seem so perfect and fair, and yet, it still manages to be a deceiving asshole in the end. I need this. I don't want to let her down.