Post 21: Time is irrelavent

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my delay. I've noticed it has been a while since I've posted anything at all, especially the events I said I would post (the ones of her arrival). But that time is long since gone and so now I might as well fill you in on what is occurring as of now.

Quite a bit has changed with me since I last remember writing here. For starters, got rehired at the place I hate the most. To be honest though, I don't really "hate" the place as much as I would dislike it. It's simply the nonprofessional attitude of the whole place tends to throw me off key thus making me feel apathetic about my current employment. I have also tried and failed at many attempts of obtaining another job, but during this "economic crisis" the probability of success is probably below 30%. So, while I'm still trying, I have also bought a new laptop capable of achieving many tasks required from me (although I am still awaiting my version of photoshop cs3, since cs2 doesn't work on Vista). The computer itself isn't that bad, It's actually rather decent. But it's already day 2 of me using it and I'm beginning to have problems already. Perhaps it's the usage of windows Vista that is the source of this problem. I was thinking about installing Ubuntu as an alternative operating system, but we'll have to see about that. Aside from buying a laptop and working somewhere where I deem pointless, comes a bigger factor in my life. This such unknown factor requires me to make a huge if not necessary move to change my life and how I live.... FOREVER! (dun dun dun).

I suppose I'll update on my "big plan" in later blogs but as for now, those are all the physical changes which took place during my absence from blogging. As for my mental aspects, it seems that I took a much more introspective approach on the world around me. I've been watching quite a lot of videos and reading a lot of excerpts from well renown, and even unheard of, philosophers from around the world. It seems that the subject of philosophy, metaphysics, and any other alternative thinking interests me a great deal, I just... don't know how to really approach it in the future. All I know upon that topic is I am still learning, and thus continue learning and never stop, for it's a never ending process with the "limit of infinity".

Well, I suppose that's all I have to say for now (since my thought process went A.D.D on me and all), but I will remember to blog sometime soon! besides, It's interesting to read these after a prolonged period of time and see what was going on in my life at this particular time (: kind of like building your own history through the perspective and writing of yourself! Quite an intriguing concept. After all, what else would be done of personal blogs if not documenting personal history?

(:

Post 19: Long Stretch

Reaching into the second week or my working cycle and awaiting my "final" paycheck of this month. Reason i quoted final, Is simply because I plan on leaving that dreaded place once and for all. Although, my reason for leaving would later result in possibly being re-hired again in the same establishment, I would much rather work to get the money to fly her over, than worry about later problems. So far I have a little over $400 in the bank, and my upcoming paycheck will/should be over $300. I've been working under 40 last week and this week isn't any more, so the total should be 40 something hours worked by the end of this week. Which is why rough estimate is around 300.

In other news, My portfolio launched today! but what sucks about that is that it's on of the ONLY pages on my web site that is fully complete with the exception of my splash page. Even worst, It's probably the most laggiest of the pages. What I mean by laggiest is very glitchy. For some reason it seems to completely drag the browser down in speed. Even though no flash nor AD content is visible, it still seems to be slower than a snail. But I suppose until i figure out a way to make it faster and better, This is what I'll have. I'm not too disappointed in the look though (: it's ALMOST exactly what I sketched it out to be! I should probably do that more often.

So, Starbucks is playing its old tricks once again; getting my hopes up about a job there, then crushing them by completely ignoring me and neglecting my existence. But I will continue persisting. I mean, come on, $9/hour doesn't sound bad, no? nor does $7.15 @ starting, right? Heck, I'm definitely down for that! So much better than getting paid minimum wage in Taco Bell. Yet if things don't go like I wold want them to, one of my final choices is Boston Market. It's awkwardly across from where I work now, but they pay much more than Taco Balls. Not to mention, I have a silent connection with the place as far as my history goes. And on top of that, who DOESN'T love the chicken from there?! It's like they marinate it with crack and a hint of ecstasy. Never the less the food is good, and business is good as well.

And to my addition of job options, I'm also considering taking up modeling again. All I need is two pictures of myself to send in. I guess it's not hard, just getting accepted is a bit annoying, mainly because I'm kind of on a limited time schedule. It makes very quick cash and to a very hefty amount too, but the only problem is getting in. I'll hope for as much as I can but It might take me a few tries (or so I think). It's either that or some online web-design gig that might come up spontaneously. Although such a thing has never happened, I can still hope!!...

Bottom line is that money matter a lot right now. In some sense, It always will matter. But right now, in particular, It matters a lot. It matters so much, it even has the power to bring me happiness (crazy, I know)! If anyone were to aid me attain some currency, I will be indebted to them. Not that I mind, but in my opinion, that's a major step into helping someone; not many people would even consider helping anyone by giving them money. So on that note, I suppose you can say that this is what they mean when they say, "desperate times, call for desperate measures."

Post 15: A New Chapter For Life to Pester

So it finally happened! I got a job! Not the best of jobs, but a job nonetheless. Where you may ask? Why at Taco Bell of course. Why would I work there? Well they called back for an interview; the ONLY ones who called back for an interview. Might as well grab opportunity while it's still fresh no? Although it did take them about a month to reply and call back, but hey, it's good enough for me. Now I should be able to fly her over with no sweat what so ever. I just hope I can last working there for more than a month! If they fire me before then, well, then I'm screwed!! Nothing can be worst than working there, yet it's just the same if I don't. Ah the curve balls life throws at me; how does it EVER expect me to catch them all with one mighty blow? I suppose I'll never know. But I sure hope that I can at least sustain the hardships given, otherwise I'm done for.

Post 14: Oh life, where art thou

Today is September 25, 2008, 54 days unemployed since my return from Toronto. Fucking great, right? Nothing great about it. On one end I'm relaxing and what not, but I don't really view that as such a good thing. Now, whenever I am relaxed or resting, I feel useless. I feel that instead of laying around, I should be doing something. And I'm not talking about free, cheap, "beaner", labor. I'm talking about labor you get paid for. And not shit minimum wage. At least a dollar or two above. Seriously fucking annoying.

That's pretty much how I've been feeling lately. Really not much to it. I really just wish a job would just fucking fall in my lap sometime soon. I can't stand being at home any longer and having to watch her continuously wait and loose hope for both of us. I honestly can't stand it; It breaks me just watching what he have slowly begin to deteriorate before my very eyes.

She's supposed to come see me this December but that would only happen if I make it happen. Everything, is reliant upon me. If you've ever heard of the expression, "Carrying the world on your shoulders.." is EXACTLY how it feels like at the moment. The world, my world, is on my very shoulder. I'm so determined though, I really am. I can't let this fall through. I just can't.

Final point: I need a job ASAP.

Sometimes the world can seem so perfect and fair, and yet, it still manages to be a deceiving asshole in the end. I need this. I don't want to let her down.