How to order fast food the RIGHT WAY

So I've been working at this fast-food joint for the past half year, and aside from being there, I've been to a lot of other fast-food places and noticed people make the same, idiotic, moronic, mistakes, over and over again. SO! I'm here to clarify those mistakes and teach you how to order properly, so that you and the cashier have absolutely no confusion over what the fuck u just ordered. Here are some tips on things you should be aware of while ordering:

1. When ordering via. fast-food lobby, be aware that as much as you want food, the cashier doesn't care for your long stories, he wants out as much as the next person; you both want to get this over with quickly.
2. Paying in massive amounts of change is a bitch. So please sympathize with the cashier as he/she counts you bullshit.
3. KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ORDERING BEFORE YOU TALK TO THE CASHIER; IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WTF YOU WANT (and are sure you even want it) THEN DON'T APPROACH THE FUCKING DESK.
4. When making changes to an Item, make sure those changes come after the item is mentioned, not 2 minutes later when you "just remembered".
5. A majority of what was mentioned above applies for Drive-thru as well..
6. When ordering via. Drive-thru (aka, being to lazy to pick you fat, lazy, junk-food-eating ass up to go to the lobby to order. Seriously. Just park next to the door if you have to. It's just a few steps), try to speak as clearly as possible through the little voice box at the menu board. If you cant hear them, then do ur best to understand them. It's a bitch, i know. But it's not their fault. Blame the huge corporation for not providing them with up-to-date technology.
   
7. When inflation takes place, it's not the cashiers fault. So please keep you opinions to yourself. He's there to take you pitiful food order, not listen to your opinions.
8. When ordering at the window and you are waiting for your food to come out, keep in mind these things: they have a strict time limit as to when and how they take out their food. When you receive the food, don't, and I repeat, DO NOT sit there and check if they got your order right. It eats up time and we end up hating the fuck out of you for that. Not to mention it's SOOO fucking obnoxious. So please. Get the fuck out once you have your shit. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Lastly, keep in mind that Fast food is never, nor will ever be "fast" (unless served by highly pre-programed machines). Patience is always key when ordering, ANYWHERE.
9. Any extra you order on an item, will obviously cost you EXTRA! nothing is free now a days. So don't be outraged when you find out your paying more than two dollars extra for extra steak. The ONLY reason its even that expensive, is because the factory the store orders it from has raised their prices, thus in order to keep serving steak and not run out of it, we have to higher the prices to which we can still make profit and order more steak. Same goes for any product.
   
10. If you end up blowing $20+ on a fast food joint (not only is that sad but WTF. Seriously) just be aware that no matter how much you spend on it, NONE of the money actually goes to the employees. Perhaps maybe the managers might get benefit, but not the little guys. Not me. It goes to whoever owns the store. So when you think the cashier is trying to "jip" you, he probably just make a mistake and you're just being a dumb selfish asshole thinking he's stealing from you.
11. Fast-food is the worst kinda of job you can possibly have and the rules are even worst, so please, when ordering or even attending, be sure NOT to be a fucking asshole and make their lives miserable. I swear, just due to most peoples stupidity, I've grown a strong hate towards mankind itself.

Basically, those are all tips that came first into my head when even thinking about it. But honestly, you want a pleasant experience just as much as they do. So with all that said, heres a proper procedure on how to order for those who don't know.

Lobby:

1. Enter door, decide from a distance what you would like to eat (and if there's more than one, make sure everyone else knows what they want and are CERTAIN of it.)
2. After making your decision, approach the desk. After the cashier greets you, greet him back and commence your order.
3. Right about here is a good time to make corrections. What I mean is, It's best to make corrections to the order right after you mention it. Otherwise it's a pain in the ass to fix. Not to mention in the long run, the cancellations we make WILL cost us from our paycheck. So please, don't be a hassle and just make sure you want something before you say it.
4. After all is said and done, the cashier will usually ask you if you would like your order "for here or to go". My highest recommendation is that you get it to GO. Why? many reasons. First off, in most fast-food places, there's actually an "EAT-IN" tax they charge you for, so in essence, it saves you money. Second, you really don't need a tray to clean up your shit. Seriously. Those trays are JUST as clean as those tables you're afraid of touching. A bag of any sort is not only sufficient, but cleanly when tidying up your area before you leave.
5. After you have paid, make sure you're giving him an amount you WANT to give. Believe me, I've gotten idiots who already payed for their shit and after paying with $20 bill on their order, they decide they want to pay with exact change... AFTER i took their order and ran through the money. It's honestly the most annoying thing you can possibly do. So yeah, make sure of that.
6. Move off to either the left of the right, or even wait at a table until your number is called. Now on most receipts, the number is centered and either on the top, or the bottom of the slip of paper.
7. After you have received your food, go BACK to your table and if you really are that type of asshole who doesn't trust fast-food facilities, then THIS is the time to check if they missed anything or fucked anything up. If the fucked ANYTHING up, then skip step 8, and onto step 9.
8. Eat and enjoy your food. If you still want to order more, just under go that basic procedure once again. Believe me, it's really not that hard.
9. If by any chance you are unsatisfied with you order and are in need to make corrections, please approach the desk and speak to a cook, not the cashier. The cashier does not make your food, so he/she is of absolutely NO help to you. When informing the individual of your situation, be as courteous as possible; no one likes an asshole, so be nice.
10. Once you've placed your correction, then you should have your food made almost immediately and then you can ENJOY!

Drive-Thru:

1. Know what you want BEFORE you get into the drive-thru line. Once you are ready, then proceed onwards.
2. Once you are faced with the menu board and the voice prompter/cashier, you can take (almost) as long as you want to place your order. When confused with a product name, keep in mind that its RIGHT on the menu board, so there should be no confusion in mispronouncing names.
3. Once you have placed your order, make sure everything is right and everything you want has been mentioned before you drive up to the window. It really is obnoxious when you drive up to the window and start addign shit onto your order. So please, keep it at the menu board. Window is where you pay and receive food, not continue ordering.
4. After the cashier has read off the total and has told you to drive up to the window, patiently wait in line until you are at the window. If it's taking forever, it's most likely because some asshole up ahead of you ordered the entire fucking menu. That or ordered some huge meal an good dozen times (seriously, that shit really happens). So in the long run, don't be mad at us, we're just trying to do out job and serve your selfish inconsiderate ass.
5. While still in line, be most CERTAIN to have your money out and ready. That way it makes the prices go by faster.
6. Once at the window, the cashier will repeat the total, as to which you hand over the money and in return, receive your food.
   
7. Once you have the food, it's okay to ask "is this everything?" (although it is kind of annoying) and once the cashier replies with a yes, then your good to go. Although, if the cashier does not respond and you don't recieve an answer, then just drive off anyways and park in a spot to check if everything is still there.
8. Once all is done, enjoy your food and have a wonderful day!

Keep in mind that despite the overly complicated simplistic steps I've mentioned in the above, I'm completely assuming the peoples behavior and simply putting it as I have seen it. To be honest, most of how your experience goes really depends on how the people who work there are. And no, they aren't all the same. Some are nice, others can be a pain in the ass. I for one am rather courteous to customers, but frankly am fed up with their bullshit. Sure, we humans make mistakes often, but that's why it's important to not loose your patience of your cool when dealing with one another. And that's on behalf of both the employees AND the customers.

Listen, I don't know EVERYTHING, but what I do know is what I experience and go through. I'm still young and I still have time to learn about things and see the world. But as far as human relations go, I'm getting a pretty good idea as to what to do or say to keep a rather decent relationship with an individual. So with that said, those steps and tips above will make you more "fast-food" savy in ordering food and what not.

If you have any requests as to what "how to" you would like me to post next, feel free to comment on here or e-mail me