Can't Work Against Gravity

Although many tend to dream of levitation, or even defying the laws that gravity has set before us, we all know that they can't be broken; what has fallen, will continue till it's either interfered with an outside force, or inevitably hits the ground. In more ways than one, I'm the falling projectile heading downwards, and there's very little I can do to alter the situation.

In some good ways, I can't really worsen the current situation further than its current point, however I can always better it. In the end, it always comes down to monetary hardship and the struggle between trying to find ways to make dues with money you've already earned, or more ways to make said money in a shorter period of time. It's not easy. It never is. One thing is for certain out of all of this, and that thing, is that I'm moving to

Post 29: Complexities of the Homo-Sapien

I don't know what this blog is about to be honest. Haha, I mean, I've been REALLY anxious to write something lately, but I have a problem. This "problem" consists of not being able to focus my thoughts into one complete idea. Now a days I have way too much going on in my head, it causes problems. Problems like thinking too much. To most, if not some people out there, it causes a great deal of anxiety and distress. So with all that said, let me try my best to sort all that out for the record.

So here I am. In Florida still. It's been 2 years since I've dropped out of school with high hopes of moving on with my life. Instead, my life has had a seemingly opposite affect of my past ambitions. Here I now am, stuck working at a minimum wage job, with a nearly impossible goal. Whats this NEW goal you ask me? simple, Go to Canada, go to school, finish school, go to japan, live there for a few months, come back, live life. Travel if I'm even capable of doing so. At this point in my life, this seems like only a dream. Recently, my father proposed to me that he would help pay for my schooling and my moving over to Canada. I honestly don't think he'll pull through with his word. He never does. But AH! such a minute thought. School never was important to me because it never presented itself as something I could deem as important. In more ways than one, it has failed me. But in retrospect, would it make me content? I know for sure, I would attend school, not out of the sake of learning, but for the same reason as High School. That being just to get it out of the way. I guess one of the reasons that I dislike it so much is basically because I'm conforming with something that I don't feel like conforming to. It's pretty annoying.

I recently read through a few old poems I wrote back in '05, and wow. As bad as my handwriting and grammar was, the things I wrote could easily relate to my situations now. I believe I wrote something like "living in a waking dream, where nothings gets done nor accomplished." Haha, ironically enough, I was an optimistic emo, but for the wrong reasons I suppose. I had the right Idea; apathy was always the key. But being apathetic, is easier said than done. It's hard not to give a shit when the world around you seems to fall out of place. Sometimes I wonder what it's all worth, if I would survive, if things would change. There's just this strong sense of nostalgia while I think because, in the long run, I just feel like only yesterday I just started high school, and now here I am, stuck in a rut. I guess the reason for that is because I've been listening to a lot of music I used to listen to back in the day, and it brings back a lot of memories. Am I really living a dream? will I wake up? Do I want to wake up? I don't know. I just want things to make sense. I just want to KNOW what I'm doing. I guess I just want to understand.

Hah sorry about that, I just re-read what I wrote and to me it makes no sense at ALL! ah! I guess I'm not ready to blog about this yet. I'll be posting some old poems I wrote. I'll put up one poem per post.