All hope is not lost.... yet

Hello Blogger.

It's been a while.

I still hate you. A lot.

I haven't forgotten, but this isn't a place to express hate.... oh wait, yes it is. Well, on top of you failing so hard I had to find elsewhere to blog, hello Internet. How are you?

Unless you follow me on Twitter, or Instagram, or have me on an instant mobile messenger app, you probably haven't heard much from me. I've been doing alright I guess. Fluctuating between emotions and just, overall life situations, really. I believe last where we left off, I was living in Toronto and was in a relationship.

Post 25: Counter Productivity At Its Finest

So I guess you've noticed that I have 2 blogs up with quite some hate towards humans ... heh, we'll I guess you can call it "relieving stress" simply ranting about how (yes) part of me DOES in fact hate humans. People. They just annoy me. And I'm sure they annoy you sometimes too.

I suppose an update of my current conditions are necessary to the follow up on my well being. As far as work is concerned, they cut my hours dramatically. My paychecks haven't exactly been "hefty" sums of what I would expect for two week (then again, the hour cuts do affect it) and the search for another job is harder than before. Kinda sucks with my luck, you know? Before, I'll admit I was an amateur, and I was totally clueless oh how to obtain a job. Now that I've been in and out of that process several times, I have a much better understanding of what to do and what to expect. BUT! seeing as to how the economy is being shat on, every employer that I've approached has given me the impression of, "SURE! we'll hire you!" then moments later say they have no position available. I don't know... Maybe, maybe I'm doing something wrong? maybe it's not the economy but rather myself? And on top of all that, I've been of what I would describe as "emotionally retarded" lately.

I guess most of you optimists out there are probably about to bitch me out on how "negative" I am and how "there's always a brighter side" to situations like this. You want some happy? I'll give you some happy. As far as good things go, I'm totally serious about my moving plan, which is a first in a few things I've actually been serious about. Secondly, my manager is getting replaced with some other guy, with a typical Spanish name (yay for the replacement). As for how the new manager will be to the old? who knows. Chances are I'll end up hating him too. And... so yeah! that's about it! I'm still with my girlfriend, but that hasn't really changed much so I can't really count that (although it does make me happy). So, HA! 4 - 2. In your face optimists. Truth is there is no REAL negative, nor a REAL positive here. It's simply all based fact upon an elapsed period of time.

For a final summation, Id say in occurrence of all those things, I'm beginning to get very frugal of how much I spend. Yet, even when I do spend ANY sum of money, I always feel bad about it after words. I guess my hate for money still exists, just now I need money (Thanks society, for basing your lives around a monetary system of paper bills, where money is nearly everything) and I feel regretful whenever I spend it somewhere.

Post 17: Some sacrifices...

I hate my life. What a lovely four words to start off a blog. But seriously, can I really love my life at this point? Let us keep in mind that, despite the current circumstances and other inconveniences, I have in fact improved since the very beginning and even before that. Improved in what you may ask? Well of course i believe i mean moving forward within life; overcoming the obstacles and derailing ones self from daily mundane activities, into... well... another order of daily mundane activities. That being said, let us recap what has progressed: I'm out of school, I have my license, and I have a job. Furthermore, I have a better idea of what I want to do in the future. But, there is a downside to it all. Although I am done with school, the future in my education has nothing to do with the past year of my american education. Even though I have my license, I still don't have a car. Therefore, owning a license to some extent is pointless and has minimum purposes. And the job I have, haha, well, let's not get started on that, shall we? All I will say is that it's by far one of the worst experiences I have ever had working. On one hand I am paranoid that I will get fired for something completely ridiculous and unreasonable, yet on the other, I would be glad to get rid of such a burden.

True, life for me this past (almost) year has progressed quite a bit. I'm just disappointed that it could have gone faster. Knowing that all that has been done, has been done so with ease. I simply wish my laziness hadn't intervened and slowed me down to such a point. And I guess with improvements in life being mentioned, my job hunt continues as I seek a better job, a more comfortable environment, and friendlier employees (although I am aware that there's always one who is going to be a total asshole).

In all honesty though, I don't work well under pressure. Nor would any wanna-be ruses inflict any sort of immediate and accurate action from me. In fact, all that would do is intimidate me, thus forcing me to step down my guard. Maybe I should just work at Google (: then again, scripting PHP is such a hassle.

Post 15: A New Chapter For Life to Pester

So it finally happened! I got a job! Not the best of jobs, but a job nonetheless. Where you may ask? Why at Taco Bell of course. Why would I work there? Well they called back for an interview; the ONLY ones who called back for an interview. Might as well grab opportunity while it's still fresh no? Although it did take them about a month to reply and call back, but hey, it's good enough for me. Now I should be able to fly her over with no sweat what so ever. I just hope I can last working there for more than a month! If they fire me before then, well, then I'm screwed!! Nothing can be worst than working there, yet it's just the same if I don't. Ah the curve balls life throws at me; how does it EVER expect me to catch them all with one mighty blow? I suppose I'll never know. But I sure hope that I can at least sustain the hardships given, otherwise I'm done for.

Post 13: The Long Awaited Update

I apologize for the elongated hiatus I've been on. To be frank though, I haven't really felt like updating this much, since I really didn't know what to put or even say. But seeing as to how I'm now more willing to update on my life thus far, I'll attempt to put it as simply as I can:

I recently came back from my trip in Ontario, Canada and it was A M A Z I I N G! I'm definitely more than considering on living there by summer of '09. I also got to see her and my heart began to beat like no other. For about 1 month I lived with her and it was the highlight of my trip. Also at the time I was there I made it official, so yes, I do now have a girlfriend. The downside: she lives far, thus making it long distance. But no matter, I will (like i said earlier) move there and hopefully study there as well. Besides, I like the north WAY more than I do the south. Also, aside from relationship status, I'm 18 which means I'm now eligible to get a somewhat better-ish job than before (if I can even GET a job that is). Unfortunately though, my luck hasn't been too striking in the employment department. Yet no matter that, I still will try hard for some employment, whether it be part time or full; freelance or factory job, I will do it. I am VERY determined at this point to get what I want and to live my life like I would want to. And I wont stop until My life is the way I'd like it to be. Meaning if it NEVER happens, then I'll never stop.

That's pretty much as New as my life gets, but on a side note, I'm trying to make it into college but tuition fees have been killing me. So if you would be so kind and donate some money (could be 50 cents if you'd like) to my paypal, I will be ever so grateful. And If you identify yourself via e-mail, then I will surely reward with as a thanks! The donate button should either be located on the bottom of my blog page, or you can also find it on the left column on my myspace page.

Well folks, I suppose that's about it for today! check back soon, for I WILL be updating this time as much as I possibly can.

P.S. Hurricane Fay is a bitch. I wanna bitch slap her. That is all.

++ Post 2: Things lookin' up

oday was rather an interesting day by far. You know, I've been noticing lately, my life truly has been looking up. Although my social is still sort of weak, everything else seems to be slowly rising to its positive. Recently, I found out I may only be weeks away from finishing school, got my cell phone RE-activated (with some strings attached, but I'll live), and of course my privilege to drive a motor vehicle. My mood has also been more positive, although I still contain the ever-so typical pessimistic outlook on life. All I'm missing now are friends (locally) and a Job. I prefer to get the job first and proceed with my social life.

I must say though, my life really has been looking up and I'm enjoying every moment of it. It's almost as if I'm regaining my freedom that I've once childishly lost. It's actually rather invigorating knowing that, somehow, someway, everything will be alright. As comforting as is a cozy pillow and a warm blanket on a frigid winter night. Lovely. I miss cuddling, actually. And warm friendly hugs. I really miss all of that. I want it all back and I will stop at nothing to do so. [Sigh] If anything though, I'm pretty content with what I have now. No more holding back; I'll continue running, but this time in the right direction, towards my problems, not away from them. This is a time for change. For me and hopefully fro this world. I'm sure we've all noticed all the bullshit that has been occurring throughout todays society. We should do something to stop it all! We have a voice; we have a mind. Our minds should be as one, not segregated. Segregation is what brings conflict upon everything and diversity is the ignorant mind set of people. No it's not a hippie statement and your a fucking idiot to think so. It's a legitimate self-expressed mindset that it actually appropriate for this time period. I finally see what Lennon was talking about, what all the famous stars that attempted to make their voice heard; I understand now. Maybe... I shouldn't have so much hope in humans. No one will ever agree on what's right and whats wrong, mainly because "right" or "wrong" is nonexistent. It's a diversion created for the human mind, BY the human mind in order to create diversity. It's also the easy way out, and if there's anything I have learned from life so far, is that the easy way out never gets you anywhere. In fact, the easy way out gets you only to where you last started. To get anywhere, you have to work for it. If you are still in high school, make your decision now. Now from what you want to do in your life, but what you simply want to do! You honestly won't know what you will want to do as a career probably until your 20's. Some are lucky and know earlier on, but in general, you wont know until you are positive of what sort of future you desire to pursue.

Well, thats all I got for today, stay tuned for next time (: ALSO! e-mail me posting topics you would like for me/us to discuss! the email is listed either above or on my blogger profile. Take care everyone! much <3