Life in the northern hemisphere

It has only been a week and a day since I have made my finally acclaimed move to Canada and things have been a little shaky. For starters, applying for jobs here is completely different than what I'm used to. I mean, I have never been prompted to hand my resume "just in case" they are looking for participants to hire. Usually a job application would set me in that category, but not here I guess. Aside from even looking for work, I've been looking for a place to live! I've been lucky enough to have my friends brother house me, and my girlfriend sneak me into her residence, for a place for me to sleep. But I have to find a place for myself. I suppose you can take this as me "declaring my independence" but just my attempt to get away from that wretched state, Florida. And now, I'm out! So for the most part, I got what I wanted. Now the hard part is surviving on my own.

Looking for jobs around here has been such a hassle. Whether it's been looking on craigslist, or taking a walk down Bloor street, it seems like every employer I encounter just seems to turn the other cheek and ignore my presence. And this whole "do you want to drop off your resume" business just seems like an easy way for those part time cashiers to brush you off their shoulders. They probably don't even deliver the resume to the manager, and who says the manager ever bothers reading them most of the time. Besides, why would the employee want another person to be hired? that just means their hours have to be lowered in accordance to the new employees hours, so that all employees have their schedules accommodated to the changes. All thanks to the new employee. So, Yeah. I can see why they wouldn't been too thrilled to know I'm looking for a job. Let alone handing out resumes. I know I wouldn't exactly be happy knowing that. *sigh* I suppose what I REALLY need is some networking around this city. Friends that can help me get into those high places. Hookups. But as for now, that doesn't seem like its possible...

Also, theres this "license" or "certificate" that ALL waiters in Ontario MUST have, called the SmartServe License. Basically it allows the waiter/server to serve alcohol. As far as the rules state, the legal drinking age in Ontario is 19 (which means I can drink :D hehehehehe), but the legal serving of alcohol age in Ontario is 18 (which.... is odd in comparison to the drinking age). But seems like every waiter job I have applied at thus far has seemed to require the possession of this SmartServe license which I don't have, nor do I know how to obtain.

Aside from the job search, I have also gone about doing other things, such as getting a bank account. Apparently, in Canada, seems like just about everything has some sort of fee or tax on it. For example, my bank account is an "Unlimited Chequing Account" (Yeah, still have to get used to the usage of q's instead of ck's or just k's) which basically is a minimum charge of $12.75 Canadian per month. I checked all the plans and they all have monthly fees. It's pretty outrageous but I guess this is how people live here. Also, everything is crazy taxed here! but on the brighter side, Minimum wage is higher.... So I suppose It's a benefit? not too sure yet. As for my future endeavours, I must wait and see where this path takes me. I'll do my best to "stay the course" and not let myself give up.

And if I fail, I guess there's always Boston....

fuckfuckfuckfuck

im not sleeping. I choose not to. She doesnt know. She doesnt have a clue how much she affects me. I dont know why I let myself feel this way sometimes... Let myself get this low. Sometimes I wish it never was like this, sometimes I wish I never was. Idk anymore. I really dont know. I dont know if she feels the same about me. I think she does... but nothing in this world is certain. I hate this. I hate it when things become like this. It would probably be better, but I can only hope. For all I know, this could be the end... This could be her last straw... I know I'm a horrible boyfriend. You don't have to tell me. You don't have to make me feel worst that I already do. I don't have much time per day to waste as I freely would like. But Every day, no matter what the hour, I try to significantly manage to reserve a chunk of time dedicated to talking to you, or spending it with you. I loose sleep sometimes because of that. Then theres the emotional stress you give me, over things so small they could be resolved without even trying... but no one tries... I dont even know where to begin trying... Everything is so mixed up and jumbled. theres horrible communication. You're just like your mom sometimes... I guess It's a genetic thing that runs in your family... I dont know why... why do I have to control myself, While you go crazy, while you go around hitting everything in sight. I take those punches, in hopes it would get better in the long run. sometimes I dont even mind; I know how you can be. I accept that. But have you no consideration for others?! U preach That I dont care about you, that my love for you is bullshit. but can you really say that with no legit means to back your statements? there. Mission accomplished. you made me feel guilty. But now what. are you satisfied? no, im not missing the point, because there was never a point to begin with.

\\

I just dont want things to be like this anymore. I dont want to feel like this. I love you. no matter how crazy you are /:

What Have I Become...

I once used to be
and aspiring artist
I once used to be
a harmony loving musician
I once used to be
a sensitive poet
I once used to be
and independent philosopher

Things I once had.
once were.
now, not.

I once used to have dreams
but now i wander through my sleep.
I once thought outside the box
but now I'm nothing but the box.
I used to think things to the point where they made sense
but now I just think to much.

So much that I begin to wonder
What have I become

My worst nightmare;
What I used to make fun of when i was younger;
what I used to fear to become;
nothing.

untitled [1]

Why. why does love do this to me... Just tears me apart from everything else. I feel like I lost it today. Lost the one I love.. I dont even know why.. It just hurts me. A lot. I dont even know what it is. Everything is just so blurred. I dont know what to do. I feel like i just fell, or was dropped, somewhere, in the unsuspecting abyss that is my heart. It's empty.. It only knows one thing. And that's her. I dont understand... Maybe.. humans are indeed difficult creatures to trust. Theres nothing I can do or say anymore... Im powerless. I dont know, if shes gone... or she will come back. Tonight, i dont feel like sleeping. Theres no more point to sleeping, no more point to anything anymore.. without her, theres nothing for me. And as much as that doesnt logically make sense, thats what my mind is forced to think. There's no denying it.. she meant a lot to me. still does. her words rip through me like damp, wet paper.. Everything she says i take in with such meaning, despite that i know, logically, shes being ridiculous. I dont know. I dont know anything anymore.. Whats the point of work, whats the point of getting up early? whats the purpose of life if you can't even enjoy it? I want to. I want to enjoy it with her. All i ever wanted, was just to be happy. With her, I was. I now feel as if that is fading... and now I am no longer left with anything to hold on to. Nothing but my useless self. I'm not contemplating suicide, but death sounds pretty good right about now. Its one of those way where everything just stops. But if i wanted to... id rather not die. I would much rather be with her. I dont care how annoying she is. I dont care how loud and obnoxious she is. I dont care if she smells, or looks funny in the morning. I dont care how childish she acts. I dont care if she blames me for everything. I dont care.. I love her for who she is.. I just... want her back... If she ever left... I dont know what to do.... im useless... pathetic..... Iv'e succumb to such a low level of existence i now rely on others to make me content... but then again... havent we always relied on others to make us happy? isnt this how we all think? i dont know. I honestly dont even feel like working today. I dont see a point. On one hand, it gives me hours and money... money which i can use to move closer to her... yet on the other... if shes gone... Who am i moving close to? id have no one... perhaps that's my future... being alone. dying at an early age due to lung cancer, or intoxication. my future was never determined... yet i wish it was.... maybe i wouldnt worry so much.... well... I guess thats all for the moment.... theres more that im holding back, i just dont feel like writing anymore... Dambae.

Past Poetry: untitled (poem 1)

What if one day
we all changed
not for the better
but for the worst

How can we live
a life we once lived
to think
the thoughts we once did.

We have changed
in the blink of an eye
we have transformed
become mutants in our own liking.

But must we suffer?
why not end it all with one blade
watch as our blood hits the floor
what if

Date written: 01/31/06
I think i was a sophomore at this time. Living in Boston. If I can remember correctly, I was upset about moving away, but I believe I go in a little deeper than that.

Post 29: Complexities of the Homo-Sapien

I don't know what this blog is about to be honest. Haha, I mean, I've been REALLY anxious to write something lately, but I have a problem. This "problem" consists of not being able to focus my thoughts into one complete idea. Now a days I have way too much going on in my head, it causes problems. Problems like thinking too much. To most, if not some people out there, it causes a great deal of anxiety and distress. So with all that said, let me try my best to sort all that out for the record.

So here I am. In Florida still. It's been 2 years since I've dropped out of school with high hopes of moving on with my life. Instead, my life has had a seemingly opposite affect of my past ambitions. Here I now am, stuck working at a minimum wage job, with a nearly impossible goal. Whats this NEW goal you ask me? simple, Go to Canada, go to school, finish school, go to japan, live there for a few months, come back, live life. Travel if I'm even capable of doing so. At this point in my life, this seems like only a dream. Recently, my father proposed to me that he would help pay for my schooling and my moving over to Canada. I honestly don't think he'll pull through with his word. He never does. But AH! such a minute thought. School never was important to me because it never presented itself as something I could deem as important. In more ways than one, it has failed me. But in retrospect, would it make me content? I know for sure, I would attend school, not out of the sake of learning, but for the same reason as High School. That being just to get it out of the way. I guess one of the reasons that I dislike it so much is basically because I'm conforming with something that I don't feel like conforming to. It's pretty annoying.

I recently read through a few old poems I wrote back in '05, and wow. As bad as my handwriting and grammar was, the things I wrote could easily relate to my situations now. I believe I wrote something like "living in a waking dream, where nothings gets done nor accomplished." Haha, ironically enough, I was an optimistic emo, but for the wrong reasons I suppose. I had the right Idea; apathy was always the key. But being apathetic, is easier said than done. It's hard not to give a shit when the world around you seems to fall out of place. Sometimes I wonder what it's all worth, if I would survive, if things would change. There's just this strong sense of nostalgia while I think because, in the long run, I just feel like only yesterday I just started high school, and now here I am, stuck in a rut. I guess the reason for that is because I've been listening to a lot of music I used to listen to back in the day, and it brings back a lot of memories. Am I really living a dream? will I wake up? Do I want to wake up? I don't know. I just want things to make sense. I just want to KNOW what I'm doing. I guess I just want to understand.

Hah sorry about that, I just re-read what I wrote and to me it makes no sense at ALL! ah! I guess I'm not ready to blog about this yet. I'll be posting some old poems I wrote. I'll put up one poem per post.

How to order fast food the RIGHT WAY

So I've been working at this fast-food joint for the past half year, and aside from being there, I've been to a lot of other fast-food places and noticed people make the same, idiotic, moronic, mistakes, over and over again. SO! I'm here to clarify those mistakes and teach you how to order properly, so that you and the cashier have absolutely no confusion over what the fuck u just ordered. Here are some tips on things you should be aware of while ordering:

1. When ordering via. fast-food lobby, be aware that as much as you want food, the cashier doesn't care for your long stories, he wants out as much as the next person; you both want to get this over with quickly.
2. Paying in massive amounts of change is a bitch. So please sympathize with the cashier as he/she counts you bullshit.
3. KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ORDERING BEFORE YOU TALK TO THE CASHIER; IF YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WTF YOU WANT (and are sure you even want it) THEN DON'T APPROACH THE FUCKING DESK.
4. When making changes to an Item, make sure those changes come after the item is mentioned, not 2 minutes later when you "just remembered".
5. A majority of what was mentioned above applies for Drive-thru as well..
6. When ordering via. Drive-thru (aka, being to lazy to pick you fat, lazy, junk-food-eating ass up to go to the lobby to order. Seriously. Just park next to the door if you have to. It's just a few steps), try to speak as clearly as possible through the little voice box at the menu board. If you cant hear them, then do ur best to understand them. It's a bitch, i know. But it's not their fault. Blame the huge corporation for not providing them with up-to-date technology.
   
7. When inflation takes place, it's not the cashiers fault. So please keep you opinions to yourself. He's there to take you pitiful food order, not listen to your opinions.
8. When ordering at the window and you are waiting for your food to come out, keep in mind these things: they have a strict time limit as to when and how they take out their food. When you receive the food, don't, and I repeat, DO NOT sit there and check if they got your order right. It eats up time and we end up hating the fuck out of you for that. Not to mention it's SOOO fucking obnoxious. So please. Get the fuck out once you have your shit. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. Lastly, keep in mind that Fast food is never, nor will ever be "fast" (unless served by highly pre-programed machines). Patience is always key when ordering, ANYWHERE.
9. Any extra you order on an item, will obviously cost you EXTRA! nothing is free now a days. So don't be outraged when you find out your paying more than two dollars extra for extra steak. The ONLY reason its even that expensive, is because the factory the store orders it from has raised their prices, thus in order to keep serving steak and not run out of it, we have to higher the prices to which we can still make profit and order more steak. Same goes for any product.
   
10. If you end up blowing $20+ on a fast food joint (not only is that sad but WTF. Seriously) just be aware that no matter how much you spend on it, NONE of the money actually goes to the employees. Perhaps maybe the managers might get benefit, but not the little guys. Not me. It goes to whoever owns the store. So when you think the cashier is trying to "jip" you, he probably just make a mistake and you're just being a dumb selfish asshole thinking he's stealing from you.
11. Fast-food is the worst kinda of job you can possibly have and the rules are even worst, so please, when ordering or even attending, be sure NOT to be a fucking asshole and make their lives miserable. I swear, just due to most peoples stupidity, I've grown a strong hate towards mankind itself.

Basically, those are all tips that came first into my head when even thinking about it. But honestly, you want a pleasant experience just as much as they do. So with all that said, heres a proper procedure on how to order for those who don't know.

Lobby:

1. Enter door, decide from a distance what you would like to eat (and if there's more than one, make sure everyone else knows what they want and are CERTAIN of it.)
2. After making your decision, approach the desk. After the cashier greets you, greet him back and commence your order.
3. Right about here is a good time to make corrections. What I mean is, It's best to make corrections to the order right after you mention it. Otherwise it's a pain in the ass to fix. Not to mention in the long run, the cancellations we make WILL cost us from our paycheck. So please, don't be a hassle and just make sure you want something before you say it.
4. After all is said and done, the cashier will usually ask you if you would like your order "for here or to go". My highest recommendation is that you get it to GO. Why? many reasons. First off, in most fast-food places, there's actually an "EAT-IN" tax they charge you for, so in essence, it saves you money. Second, you really don't need a tray to clean up your shit. Seriously. Those trays are JUST as clean as those tables you're afraid of touching. A bag of any sort is not only sufficient, but cleanly when tidying up your area before you leave.
5. After you have paid, make sure you're giving him an amount you WANT to give. Believe me, I've gotten idiots who already payed for their shit and after paying with $20 bill on their order, they decide they want to pay with exact change... AFTER i took their order and ran through the money. It's honestly the most annoying thing you can possibly do. So yeah, make sure of that.
6. Move off to either the left of the right, or even wait at a table until your number is called. Now on most receipts, the number is centered and either on the top, or the bottom of the slip of paper.
7. After you have received your food, go BACK to your table and if you really are that type of asshole who doesn't trust fast-food facilities, then THIS is the time to check if they missed anything or fucked anything up. If the fucked ANYTHING up, then skip step 8, and onto step 9.
8. Eat and enjoy your food. If you still want to order more, just under go that basic procedure once again. Believe me, it's really not that hard.
9. If by any chance you are unsatisfied with you order and are in need to make corrections, please approach the desk and speak to a cook, not the cashier. The cashier does not make your food, so he/she is of absolutely NO help to you. When informing the individual of your situation, be as courteous as possible; no one likes an asshole, so be nice.
10. Once you've placed your correction, then you should have your food made almost immediately and then you can ENJOY!

Drive-Thru:

1. Know what you want BEFORE you get into the drive-thru line. Once you are ready, then proceed onwards.
2. Once you are faced with the menu board and the voice prompter/cashier, you can take (almost) as long as you want to place your order. When confused with a product name, keep in mind that its RIGHT on the menu board, so there should be no confusion in mispronouncing names.
3. Once you have placed your order, make sure everything is right and everything you want has been mentioned before you drive up to the window. It really is obnoxious when you drive up to the window and start addign shit onto your order. So please, keep it at the menu board. Window is where you pay and receive food, not continue ordering.
4. After the cashier has read off the total and has told you to drive up to the window, patiently wait in line until you are at the window. If it's taking forever, it's most likely because some asshole up ahead of you ordered the entire fucking menu. That or ordered some huge meal an good dozen times (seriously, that shit really happens). So in the long run, don't be mad at us, we're just trying to do out job and serve your selfish inconsiderate ass.
5. While still in line, be most CERTAIN to have your money out and ready. That way it makes the prices go by faster.
6. Once at the window, the cashier will repeat the total, as to which you hand over the money and in return, receive your food.
   
7. Once you have the food, it's okay to ask "is this everything?" (although it is kind of annoying) and once the cashier replies with a yes, then your good to go. Although, if the cashier does not respond and you don't recieve an answer, then just drive off anyways and park in a spot to check if everything is still there.
8. Once all is done, enjoy your food and have a wonderful day!

Keep in mind that despite the overly complicated simplistic steps I've mentioned in the above, I'm completely assuming the peoples behavior and simply putting it as I have seen it. To be honest, most of how your experience goes really depends on how the people who work there are. And no, they aren't all the same. Some are nice, others can be a pain in the ass. I for one am rather courteous to customers, but frankly am fed up with their bullshit. Sure, we humans make mistakes often, but that's why it's important to not loose your patience of your cool when dealing with one another. And that's on behalf of both the employees AND the customers.

Listen, I don't know EVERYTHING, but what I do know is what I experience and go through. I'm still young and I still have time to learn about things and see the world. But as far as human relations go, I'm getting a pretty good idea as to what to do or say to keep a rather decent relationship with an individual. So with that said, those steps and tips above will make you more "fast-food" savy in ordering food and what not.

If you have any requests as to what "how to" you would like me to post next, feel free to comment on here or e-mail me

Post 27: Fuck my Life

Why? why must this always happen to me? i hate this. i hate this all. Why must this hurt so much. my chest feels like it's on fire. about to explode. about to burst. I don't know what else to do. I'm just hurt right now. words piercing through me like a thousand swords. haven't felt this much pain in quite a long time. i wish i wasn't so vulnerable. wish i wasn't so frail. so weak. my body is breaking down. like i have been crushed by a giant stone. the pain doesn't stop either. it has no mercy. I'm typing this as I'm feeling it, its hard to concentrate on typing. now shes questioning everything about me. like we first met. the pain continues. i dont know what to do. i just feel like freezing up and dying. why me?! why must this happen all the time? am i really so undeserving of someone so special? should i just die alone? am i deemed for eternal depression? why must i disappoint everyone?

...

someone please,
just kill me.

Post 26: Uneasy Fixation

It's been a while, as usual. Then again, what else is new? Not too much has happened since I've last blogged. I guess all I can say at this point is that my mind tends to wander off more often than it used to. No, not like I'm distracted, really. Simply... off my normal pace of thought. It as if I have contracted a severe case of A.D.D. I don't know how else to describe it. And aside from that, I've been feeling uneasy and depressed lately. Almost as if something is going to happen. Something I'm not going to like. Heh, funny. Now that I think about it, It's almost as if I can observe my life from a far and spectate as someone watching some ridiculously scripted Asian drama.

Well, I suppose on to the updates of my life that no one seems to care much for. STILL looking for a second job. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Ive gone the most of the procedures, and out of all that I've been through, I have gotten one little interview which didn't even help me. Honestly, I have just accepted death at this point and feel like dying. I'm not prone to suicide nor will i ever be, but if something happens, then it happens. And if I get saved then I'll think of it as a second chance. But all this burden and constant anxiety... I try to forget it; I try to ignore it all. The thing with me is that I can't force myself to believe a lie, no matter how much I try. For some odd reason, I find comfort in the truth, despite how much more trouble that can bring someone.

In other news, I'm planning on practicing my writing skills and writing fictional stories with parts of my life included. Thing is I will place different name for characters that I know existed in my life and so on, so you wouldn't even be able to tell it was from my life! kekeke. It's going to be a secret blog though, And I don't know when I'll make it... I guess whenever I feel like it! hehe..

Post 25: Counter Productivity At Its Finest

So I guess you've noticed that I have 2 blogs up with quite some hate towards humans ... heh, we'll I guess you can call it "relieving stress" simply ranting about how (yes) part of me DOES in fact hate humans. People. They just annoy me. And I'm sure they annoy you sometimes too.

I suppose an update of my current conditions are necessary to the follow up on my well being. As far as work is concerned, they cut my hours dramatically. My paychecks haven't exactly been "hefty" sums of what I would expect for two week (then again, the hour cuts do affect it) and the search for another job is harder than before. Kinda sucks with my luck, you know? Before, I'll admit I was an amateur, and I was totally clueless oh how to obtain a job. Now that I've been in and out of that process several times, I have a much better understanding of what to do and what to expect. BUT! seeing as to how the economy is being shat on, every employer that I've approached has given me the impression of, "SURE! we'll hire you!" then moments later say they have no position available. I don't know... Maybe, maybe I'm doing something wrong? maybe it's not the economy but rather myself? And on top of all that, I've been of what I would describe as "emotionally retarded" lately.

I guess most of you optimists out there are probably about to bitch me out on how "negative" I am and how "there's always a brighter side" to situations like this. You want some happy? I'll give you some happy. As far as good things go, I'm totally serious about my moving plan, which is a first in a few things I've actually been serious about. Secondly, my manager is getting replaced with some other guy, with a typical Spanish name (yay for the replacement). As for how the new manager will be to the old? who knows. Chances are I'll end up hating him too. And... so yeah! that's about it! I'm still with my girlfriend, but that hasn't really changed much so I can't really count that (although it does make me happy). So, HA! 4 - 2. In your face optimists. Truth is there is no REAL negative, nor a REAL positive here. It's simply all based fact upon an elapsed period of time.

For a final summation, Id say in occurrence of all those things, I'm beginning to get very frugal of how much I spend. Yet, even when I do spend ANY sum of money, I always feel bad about it after words. I guess my hate for money still exists, just now I need money (Thanks society, for basing your lives around a monetary system of paper bills, where money is nearly everything) and I feel regretful whenever I spend it somewhere.

Post 24: People Are Filthy

Working within the confines of a fast food facility while working with people has made me realize something I deem to be quite important: People suck, and I hate them. I'm sure to some of you out there you might agree with me, whilst others may be pondering, "Well, wouldn't that mean you hate yourself?" The answer is not quite. I understand that human nature is irritating, and their understanding of the world is rather primitive, but I believe there is still much room to learn from past mistakes. Regardless though, Humans of nearly any kind irritate me. But the ones that just tick me off the most are the stupid ones. Not really in the ranking of intelligence, but stupid in the sense of their lack of understanding certain things. It could be an angsty teenager, or an old cranky man, but what both may share is their lack to intake certain knowledge, thus making them seem ignorant.

The reason all this really angers me, or simply bothers me, is because I have to deal will several hundred customers per day. It has opened my eyes to things people wouldn't normally notice about other upon first glance. I guess to put it simply, people annoy me with their ignorance and in some cases, I wish they'd go extinct already. Of course I have to be careful for what I wish for, for I too am human and probably act like any other human would. I suppose I'll take the rather nontraditional method and dub this paragraph the introduction. Let me first share with you all things that I notice that particularly anger me.

The first thing I notice that can piss me off so fast, that I give up on humanity and life itself, is when customers argue with me. Now, I would understand if this argument was relevant to any reasonable situation, but sadly, its not. It never is. Chances are, they are complaining about the prices, and how expensive they are. Listen, I don't make the bloody prices, nor would complaining to me make them change or suddenly become lower. Or sometimes they complain about their order. They would say, "Oh, Hey! yeah... uhm.... I asked for a chicken soft taco with NO lettuce... uhm, well there's lettuce in here." What sucks is being where I work, there's a "Customer is always right" policy, meaning you have to agree with the customer regardless to how wrong or how stupid they are. Sometimes they argue about how long it's taking. "WELL sir/ma'am, I'm sorry the food's taking a while to make, let me go check in the back and see how much longer it might take. Sorry for the wait [insert fake yet awkward smile here]" Listen, the first thing you have to know about fast food, is that it's not fast. It isn't. Despite the ingredients in the food, quality of the meals, or even lack of good customer service, fast food is more slow than anything. People should be patient with it if ever even thinking of dinning out. I suppose my analyzation of this is that humans that tend to be too simpleminded tend to take the label of an eatery too literally and in the end, get nothing but enraged about how long the food is take to prepare.

Second pet peeve of mine that wont get you on my good side, is when people, mostly kids in high school (those kids tend to be either jocks, sports players, or scenesters), think they're being cool and smart and start asking me for free shit. Either that, or harassing me about something that I'm doing. Sometimes some kids ask for water cups in hopes that I wont notice that they're not REALLY getting water, but really soda. Seriously. I want to meet the fucker who thought of that ridiculous ruse and just make him feel like the stupidest piece of monkey shit he already is. Honestly, did he really just go, "Oh, well instead of paying for a small or medium cup which would barely cost me $2 cause I'm being a cheap frugal asshole. why not simply ASK for a FREE water CUP and DECEIVE the cashier into thinking I really want water, and just get soda instead" That just deserves a punch in the face; I'll be more than glad to deliver.

Seriously, Fast food is such bullshit.

Post 23: Downfall of Humanity

I'll be honest straight from the start; I'm not that old, and I haven't seen the world like most have, but I want to. And its important to know things about this world because those things are essential to out lifestyle. They help us understand why things are, and why things can or should be. But my interest does not linger amongst the broad prospective of modern civilization. My focus is more upon the aspect of Homo Sapiens.

My occupation consists of social human interaction. This basically means I simply talk to people for a majority of the day. My job is simple; I take peoples orders, ring them up in a machine, take their money and hand them their change, and thank them just before me and this seemingly unimportant individual part ways. Now, I take it an extra step at times and I attempt to formulate a conversation (when possible) with the customer. This helps me in providing great customer service, but I also keep in mind their position. I would think, "If I were a customer and I were to be greeted by some stranger, what things what I expect to hear? would i repel? or would I converse?" With this in mind I approach the customer in a polite manner and do with it what I can in order for them to "Enjoy their stay" at the eatery that I am employed at. But during my time spent at this position, I've gathered interesting information regard individuals in a much more broader perspective.

As I would regularly stand at my cashier position, most humans tend to make odd gestures when in times of thought or contemplation. Some tend to exaggerate this gesture more than others, but what amazes me is that these actions are subconscious. I then begin to wonder if I do the same, and chances are I do. Another things that occurs frequently is the customers attempt to manipulate me in means of using poor language to address their case of desire. This seems to occur much more frequently with the adolescent individuals that come by every now and then. To be honest, they tend to get rather irritating, for some of them if not most of them act younger than their actual age. In accordance to the behaviors of most of these human beings, it seems apparent that ignorance is a constant role player despite the differences in age.

Whether the customer is only in high school, or way past their retirement age, One thing that has always struck me with slight fury is the ignorance some people tend to give me. This ignorance makes itself known through their anger, through their frustration, or even through their sarcasm, but it is there nonetheless. It's almost as if, to them, I am the lowest of the low upon this earth, and therefor they have the right to criticize my job and what I do. They even try to exaggerate how simplistic and easy it is, but fail to realize the true burden of the occupation. Sure, it may be easy, but it is very, very tedious. There are times when a simple task can even become tiring, but yet I believe that is the challenge of the job; endurance of what the average individual considers "easy."

Post 22: Exauhsted

Post 21: Time is irrelavent

Firstly, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my delay. I've noticed it has been a while since I've posted anything at all, especially the events I said I would post (the ones of her arrival). But that time is long since gone and so now I might as well fill you in on what is occurring as of now.

Quite a bit has changed with me since I last remember writing here. For starters, got rehired at the place I hate the most. To be honest though, I don't really "hate" the place as much as I would dislike it. It's simply the nonprofessional attitude of the whole place tends to throw me off key thus making me feel apathetic about my current employment. I have also tried and failed at many attempts of obtaining another job, but during this "economic crisis" the probability of success is probably below 30%. So, while I'm still trying, I have also bought a new laptop capable of achieving many tasks required from me (although I am still awaiting my version of photoshop cs3, since cs2 doesn't work on Vista). The computer itself isn't that bad, It's actually rather decent. But it's already day 2 of me using it and I'm beginning to have problems already. Perhaps it's the usage of windows Vista that is the source of this problem. I was thinking about installing Ubuntu as an alternative operating system, but we'll have to see about that. Aside from buying a laptop and working somewhere where I deem pointless, comes a bigger factor in my life. This such unknown factor requires me to make a huge if not necessary move to change my life and how I live.... FOREVER! (dun dun dun).

I suppose I'll update on my "big plan" in later blogs but as for now, those are all the physical changes which took place during my absence from blogging. As for my mental aspects, it seems that I took a much more introspective approach on the world around me. I've been watching quite a lot of videos and reading a lot of excerpts from well renown, and even unheard of, philosophers from around the world. It seems that the subject of philosophy, metaphysics, and any other alternative thinking interests me a great deal, I just... don't know how to really approach it in the future. All I know upon that topic is I am still learning, and thus continue learning and never stop, for it's a never ending process with the "limit of infinity".

Well, I suppose that's all I have to say for now (since my thought process went A.D.D on me and all), but I will remember to blog sometime soon! besides, It's interesting to read these after a prolonged period of time and see what was going on in my life at this particular time (: kind of like building your own history through the perspective and writing of yourself! Quite an intriguing concept. After all, what else would be done of personal blogs if not documenting personal history?

(: